Saturday, December 7, 2013

Disney Princesses: Who Would Win in A Fight?

Disney princesses have a complicated job. They have to sing, dance, and look pretty. All at the same time. Not to mention those wimpy princes who constantly need saving
from things like water
and snow
and people who really prefer to live in harmony with nature
Sure, they're all good at defending the people they care about. But what would happen if we pitted them against each other? Walt Disney Studios themselves is afraid to know the answer. Pick up any piece of Official Disney Princess merchandise. You'll notice the princesses never make eye contact. Disney wants them to remain unaware of each others' existence.

Until Frozen. Not only do we have two princesses sharing a movie, but you can catch Rapunzel if you know where to look.

This means the Disney princesses share a universe. This means they have the potential to join forces and wage war. This means I'm faced with a difficult decision. Which five princesses to I want by my side in my quest for world domination?
5. Pocahontas

She learned the entire English language in about six seconds. That's a valuable skill as a diplomat. Hey, there's more than one way to conquer a kingdom.
4. Cinderella

I have a feeling she's a lot more cunning than we realize. A scullery maid marrying a prince? When dozens of trained court flirts have tried for his hand? She also has a band of eerily loyal mice minions who do her menial work and break her out of prison. In the original fairy tale, she orders her avian air force to peck out her stepsisters' eyes. Don't tick of Cinderella.
3. Mulan

She's the only princess to be formally trained in combat. Need I say more?
2. Rapunzel

Mulan has a sword, yes, but she only uses it as a mirror or a hair cutting tool. Rapunzel knocks out a man with a frying pan. Plus, she's a medic. A single tear is enough to bring Flynn back from the brink of death. Cry, girl, cry!
1. Elsa

Unlike Rapunzel, she was born with combat magic. She can stop arrows in midair by throwing up ice shields. Not to mention creating clothes, shelter, and massive bodyguards from ice and snow. Oh, and she plans on living in her lonely little ice palace for the rest of her days, so apparently she can live off water vapor.
That's my five woman world domination team. Who do you want?